Dramatis Personae

There are quotes here from several different campaigns. A brief rundown of the characters follows, according to campaign:

Web Of Destiny

Arilan: Human paladin. Not too bright. His horse is smarter than he is. (Player: James)
Yrreilus: Human cleric. Follower of the Goddess of the Future. (Player: Kim)
Dante: Human sorcerer. Slowly turning into a dragon. (Player: AB)
Teneka: Half-orc monk. Holds the party together. (Player: Tom)
Chayna: Half-elf rogue/psionic warrior. Until recently possessed by an evil entity. (Player: Vonne)
Farad: Insanely powerful mysterious who-knows what. (Player: Myk)

Kids' Game

Clarissa Scribblefeet: Halfling lawyer (actually rogue) (Player: Beth)
Stinky McTavish: Dwarf Cleric (because all dwarves are Scottish, aren't they?) (Player: Vic)

Return to the Temple of Elemental Evil

Tor Ironforge: Dwarf cleric of Moradin. (Player: Mark)
Thyla Rhiallanyng: Elf Ranger with a grudge against human wizards. (Player: Antti)
Larian Whyath: Half-elf Bard with a knack for annoying the wrong people. (Player: Myk)
The Shadow: Halfling Rogue (Player: Steve)
Marbo Tormlek: Human Fighter. Loud and low-charisma (Player: Vic)
Telnash Wildermeet: Human Abjurer (Player: Tom)

Metascape II

Relena Horvath: Captain of the Mystic Shark (Player: Sage)
Lance Magnum: Pilot (Player: Chris)
Unity Dray: Medic (Player: Peter)
Noumalia: Zin-shee engineer (Player: Amanda)
Kelda Orayen: Tactical Officer (Player: Sarah)

Yes, the same name in different campaigns is the same person.

The Quotes

...in more or less chronological order.

Arilan: 'It's a pot of stinky stuff. You can work out what it is later. Right now we're not going to rest while it is in the room.'

Yrreilus: 'Don't we have a key?'
Arilan: 'Yes, we have a key. And a padlock that fits it.'

Arilan: 'The orc corpses won't be all that whiffy. It's only been a couple of days.'

Roper: 'Aaarrghh. Treachery!'
Dante: 'Aaarrghh. Duh!'

Dante: 'Do you have 30 gold?'
Moneychanger: 'I can manage that.'
Dante: 'Good. Here's 3000 copper'
Moneychanger: ...

Vonne (OOC): What side of the inn does the window face?
James (OOC): Oh, the outside.

Clarissa Scribblefeet: I was trying to go where people weren't making so much noise!
Stinky McTavish: Well you've come to the wrong place for that!!

Stinky Mctavish: (while holding a trussed-up white dragon wyrmling) Point and Squeeze

Dwarven liquor: Good Dwarven Squatch

Arilan: The rats here are literate

Cucumber of Godliness, Codpiece of Discomfort, Canoe of Charisma

Arilan: I'm stupid and slow, but I'm not suicidal.

Lots of delicate items for the paladin to break

Chayna: (upon reaching the village of Ossington) I spy with my little eye something beginning with O
Teneka: Ostuary?
Arilan: Outside?
Dante: 'Orrible great big stones!
Yrreilus: Obvious?

Dante: Sir Rustle of Foliage?

Yrreilus: That cost us two spells! Get a better Will save!

Arilan: Wightwash!

Dante: It's caught between a monk and a dumb place

Chayna, what are you doing?
Looking for the Ice Boats.
I see no Ice Boats here.
I call my land whale.
He doesn't come.

She believes in the power of her mind. Pity her mind is all fucked up.

Arilan: Dragon Slayer, God-Scarer, and Destroyer of Civilisation (by proxy)

Farad: You're here finally. What took you so long?
Arilan: Sightseeing!

So there's this warhorse wandering the desert asking everyone he meets "Have you seen my paladin?"

Dante the Depopulator

GM: You've found the mechanism to open the secret door, but it requires more strength to push than a little monkey has.
Player: OK, we'll get the big monkey to do it. Arilan?

Is there a scroll case large enough to stuff the monkey into?

Sunglasses of Ptarn!

Dante the Backrest

Divination: I've been on hold for 24 hours! Isn't that long enough?

Marbo: Why would you want to deflect arrows with your feet?

Tor: (referring to Larian's buckler) That's not a shield! It's a codpiece in your hand!

Vic: (OOC) If I get Boots of Silence, will it improve my Charisma?

Sage: (OOC) The only skills I have are sword and sarcasm, so I don't think I've got a lot to offer in this situation.